In 2008, my father passed away from lung cancer. It's been about 6 years since he's passed and sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday.
A lot of people say over time it gets better and that finally does feel true. We all heal in different ways and I would love to hear how others can overcome such pain.
Hearing the news of my dad being diagnosed with lung cancer was a bit surreal. For a few minutes, I thought I actually went into a different universe. Nothing felt real and I was starting to become numb to everything around me. The words resonate in your mind and it starts to feel overwhelming. Then it hits you, BAM. You realize what you just heard and it starts to become reality. I thought to myself, I'm losing my father while I'm still in high school? Then the other thoughts weighed in…
My dad wouldn't see me walk at graduation. He wouldn't walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I wouldn't get the father/daughter dance. I wouldn't have a father to protect me when I got my heartbroken from a crappy boyfriend.
Thinking all of those things only made everything worse. Over time I even had a bit of resentment towards my father for smoking for all of those years and doing this damage to his body. I've no longer put blame towards him and have moved on from feeling so bitter and negative. I realized over time that those feelings weren't doing me any good nor were they healing me. For years I had such a negative mindset towards what happened but instead of dwelling on the negative, I have to start looking at the positive.
Instead of thinking that I won't be able to do all of those things with my dad, I have to start thinking of all of the things I DID get to do with my dad. He taught me how to swim. He took me to Chuck E Cheese monthly (which was my favorite place when I was little, but god forbid I go back there now with how crazy the children are there). He taught me what the value of a dollar is and also taught me to be thankful for everything I have. Even though I only had my father for a small portion of my life, what I learned from him will play a role throughout the rest of my years. I can say proudly that I am an extremely thankful, hardworking young girl and a lot of that is because of him.
After my dad passed, I can admit that I went off the right path and succumbed to things that really threw me off gear. I got involved in some things that I shouldn't have, but now I can look back and be proud that I am where I am now. I was bitter for such a long period of my life but I can't have any regrets for what I did or how I felt in the past because it has led me to where I am now. I have taken care of myself physically, mentally and financially for so many years when typically others my age are being taken care of by their parents. I've never had that comfort but I am thankful and do have pride in saying that I pay all of my bills myself at such a young age.
Have you ever lost anyone close to you? How were you able to heal from losing someone?