Yep, you read that right. I gained a mysterious 20 pounds over winter break. It's actually not so mysterious, though since I was binge drinking and hitting up Chinatown after. You're probably saying, “What the heck happened Alexis?!” or, “So did I.”
Well, this past winter was a tough one for me. I moved to a whole new state, got into excessive drinking and binge eating once again. The drinking was OUT of control. I seriously drank 5-10 drinks every time I went out. It didn't end there, though. I would go out to eat to one of Chicago's many amazing restaurants that were somehow always open at 4 AM. This was my life for awhile.
“Why would you drink so much?”
Once I turned 21 and left my entire life behind in St. Louis, s*** got real, to put it frankly. I moved to the suburbs of Chicago and it did NOT turn out the way I believed it would.
I sank into a hole of depression and was feeling so incredibly lonely. I got out of a long-term relationship that messed up my emotions pretty bad. I was seriously on a rollercoaster of emotions. One day I felt happy, the next I felt absolutely depressed.
There were times I never felt so lonely. I also thought drinking a ridiculous amount was normal.
After my relationship ended, my healthy eating went out the window. I never felt so unloved and lost in my entire life. I felt abandoned and I had no idea how to make up for it. I ate upwards 4000+ calories a day.
Probably a ton more, if I counted. I just kept eating. The Chicago nightlife didn't help at all either. The clubs and bars in downtown Chicago are completely insane (in a good way, to an extent), but the pressure to drink is up there, in my opinion.
Everyone is just so completely wasted that I felt uncomfortable to be sober. One day I checked the weight scale…Wow. I was over 140 pounds.
Coming from a slim 115 pounds, it was so darn shocking to see. I'm supposed to be inspirational and motivational to people when in reality I was completely failing myself.
I still remember that day because it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized how far I had let myself go not only physically, but mentally as well. No, I didn't change the next day. I went on to the next few months drinking and having no control whatsoever. My meals consisted of unhealthy burgers, fries, and pizza many nights. And don't let me forget my beloved Chinese food.
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I couldn't take it anymore.
Then finally, a month ago I decided I couldn't take it anymore.
I felt way too miserable. There was absolutely no energy inside me mentally or physically. A change had to be made right then and there.
Starting this weight-loss journey again had to be different this time. I couldn't go through life with weight loss being what drove me. The first time around, that was all that motivated me. This time, I am doing it for the incredible and endless amount of energy I have every morning, the smile I have on my face for no reason whatsoever, and the confidence and strength I'm gaining each and every day. It's not about the weight anymore. It's about how I feel on the inside and out.
I started the 21 Day Extreme from Beachbody and I'm on Day 12 now. I've posted every day on my journey on Instagram (@Fitalexiss). It's completely changed my life. I look forward to my workouts every day and instead of going out on the weekends, I go for long hikes/bike rides. Most of my time has been spent by myself, simply because I can't find anyone that doesn't want to just go out and get sh**faced. (Besides a couple of people.)
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Overall, I'm SO incredibly happy and thankful for this whole process and journey that I've been going through. I got out of a relationship that I knew from the beginning wouldn't work, I gained a lot of weight and started the process again, (this time loving myself), and I also learned so much about myself. I learned that I'm a fighter, and I never give up. Zero approval is needed from anyone in my life. Looking back at how miserable I was has been motivation for me to change and get better. I realized how negative my mindset was and I was never happy with what I looked like. Well now I can proudly admit, I have a kangaroo pouch and I have no shame whatsoever. I've achieved too damn much to be ashamed of some minor ‘imperfection' of my beautiful body.
Words To Live By:
Your body houses your soul. It's your temple and you should treat it as you would treat a family member or friend. Be loving and thankful to your body. Forgive yourself for hating your appearance for so long. You wouldn't talk so badly to a daughter or sister like you do to your body, so why do it yourself?
I'm spreading #bodypositivity and loving my body no matter what it looks like while eating healthy and working out regularly. I am admitting to myself and all of you that I am not perfect, nowhere close. Yes, I do advocate health and fitness and I don't have a ripped 6 pack. So what?
Thanks for reading. If any of you struggle with hating your body, I'd love to help you. I've been there, for years. It sucks and I want people to learn from my experience. Learn to love your body NOW. It'll be hard, especially since we are constantly bombarded with the ‘ideal appearance' of a woman. Just work on it day by day, and tell yourself you are beautiful because you are.
I highly recommend checking out the 14-Day Lean Clean meal plan if you are trying to lose weight or get healthier. The book is filled with tons of useful information (over 200 pages worth!). I am using this meal plan to hit my health and fitness goals.
Have you been through something similar? What did you do to get through your bump in the road?